


What's The Code For: I Love You?

by VirdisDrachen



Category: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VIII, Kingdom Hearts
Genre: 1940s, Alternate Universe - 1940s, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas Fluff, Civilian!Cloud, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, First Dates, First Kiss, First Meetings, Fluff, Letters, Love, M/M, Marine!Squall, Pen Pals, Post-War, Romance, Self-Doubt, Strifehart, Strifehart Relationship, Strifehart Winterweek 2017, World War II, a twinge of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 09:22:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13163973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VirdisDrachen/pseuds/VirdisDrachen
Summary: Through paper and ink they met during a special season. They know each other like the back of their hands yet they have never met face to face.---Strifehart Winterweek 2k17Day two: Christmas Present or Musical





	What's The Code For: I Love You?

**L** ima  **O** scar  **V** ictor  **E** cho

For a young Marine named Squall Leonhart it was hard to believe that he was returning home at long last. There was something tightly grasped in his hold, a letter that held a promise, and he’s read the letter over and over all throughout his trip. After such long time fighting overseas Squall still believed that the sight of his homeland was just a dream and what’s more, what awaited him when he got off the plane filled him with an excitement he hasn’t felt in a _while_ , or years, even.

When the plane landed Squall was the first to get off and when he  finally touched the ground he took a deep breath. Sights and smells he thought were long forgotten came to him in a flash, the cold winter breeze caressed his cheek and he could already taste the heat of hot cocoa or coffee trailing down his throat. Joyful music resonated in his ears and he felt like he could sing to the carols he knew by heart. He could see the lights and smell the pine and the peppermint. And, to add to the magic, at the end of it all the only gift he’s been asking for awaited.

He had to chuckle at himself for how sapy he sounded, but it was great that even after difficult times people, himself included, still found it within to celebrate this time of year.

It was so good to be home.

Squall adjusted his duffel bag and crossed the base, smiling as he saw his fellow Marines, his comrades all being greeted by their eager families. Some getting kissed by their fair ladies while others got embraced so closely by their kids or parents, tears of heartfelt joy fell and gleeful laughter permeated the air.

There was a small sting in his eyes, the image was bitter-sweet. He was glad they made it. But he wished that _all_ of his comrades would have had the same luck. A sorrowful sigh escaped him and he bit back his lips, he didn’t want to remember them with sorrow but with honor and respect.

_But we’re here, alive, lucky to have someone waiting … Except for me on that last count … I wish I had that luxury … or will I? I don't deserve too but … I sure hope I do ..._

An exhale to calm down his overwrought mind, doubts about his own encounter with that ‘someone’ made his heart pound. Nothing about his relationship with this person would be deemed to be under the ‘norm.’  

Through words woven in ink they met and learned each other’s mind: likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. But never has Squall heard the sound of that voice, nor seen the color of the hair a thousand times he’s wished to run his fingers through. Desires that would have to be kept in secret or bottled up  because he and his special someone shared the same  gender.

“This is crazy … Will you really be there, Cloud? …” Squall whispered the name and from the top pocket of his Marines dress uniform he took out the picture of the young man he felt so attached to.

Many times has Squall wondered how it would be like to face him and hold him. To see what color was that springy looking hair or if those gentle eyes were as blue as the sky itself.

 _Such a gorgeous smile_. Squall’s fingers traced the refined and strong looking  jaw line to remind himself how much he yearned to touch the actual thing. _But What if I’m nothing like what he’s imagined? What about this scar, would he be disgusted? Intimidated? I  wouldn't blame him he changed his mind ..._

Standing there awkwardly while pinching the bridge of his nose wasn’t going to help him find out, and his heart clung to their promise, it persisted that Cloud was waiting for him. He shouldn’t stall any longer. Squall closed his eyes and pressed the picture against his mouth to pray for courage.

 _Alright, here I go._ Squall opened his eyes again then carefully put Cloud’s picture inside the pocket once again and proceeded to walk across the airport.

The electrified drumming pumped the current under his skin with purpose. He rubbed his hands to double check that he wasn’t soiling his white gloves with sweat. Wrinkles and lint, if any, were not spared as he patted his uniform to vanquish them. Squall would not stand for any uncleanliness, he had to be at his most presentable. It was just not _anyone_ he was about to meet on the other side of those airport  gates.

 _Okay, you seem fine Squall. Just calm down._ He adjusted the white dress cap on his head and patted the hair at the back of his head flat.

From left to right, then back again he looked for the person he trusted was waiting for him. With each turn of the head the more frantic the search for his sweetheart became, scenario after scenario would pop on his head like scenes from a movie. But there was no trace of a familiar face which made him wonder if he had missed him somehow. Squall was confident that he could spot Cloud no matter what, but it wouldn’t hurt to take another quick glance at the picture from his pocket.

Past the gates and out of the building butterflies made his knees weak, he neared a small public plaza and there was still no Cloud.

 _Could he be late? Or could he not be coming at all?,_ was all he could wonder.

 _No. He’s here. He’s here,_ Squall furiously rubbed the discolored line running diagonally across his face and shook the negativity from his head.

They may have never met face to face but Squall was willing to bet his heart on Cloud. The young man has given Squall something to look forward to when he had nothing else. In comparison to the lonely live he once lived the risk was worth it.

_And I hope that I have the same effect on him … I don’t want to let him down._

While Squall didn’t think he deserved any kind of gift, Squall still dared to believe, dared to wish for this. Dared to hope upon the fairy lights on the poles around him to be granted one wish, just one, for once in his life. He was an adult and a soldier, he shouldn’t be wishing on some alleged holiday magic, yet he longed for it, craved it with every fiber of his being.

 _What beautiful display._ Squall’s eyes welcomed the blinking brilliance with a small saddened smile, gleaming like little icicles reflecting the morning sun.

One lead the next in perfect harmony to a unknown song. They beckoned Squall’s gaze to follow, they lured and reeled in the Marine’s attention towards the pinnacle of their show. How could he not be awed by the spirit of the season, how could he not appreciate the landscape transformed into a ‘winter wonderland’ worthy of a postcard.

He walked further into the plaza following the dancing patterns of the lights until they eventually landed his gaze on one beautiful Christmas tree at the very core. It was curious to Squall that someone choose to decorate a tree that was outside. But even more intriguing was the lonesome young man sitting on a bench under it.

Red as a ribbon was the scarf around that man’s neck. Golden like the little twinkles was the man’s hair that cascaded from under a caramel flat cap. The little skin Squall could see was like the porcelain ornaments hanging from the tree. One leg was crossed over the other clad in sleek charcoal pants with the elegance of a night sky. Squall couldn't make out the entire outfit by staring only from a side angle, but the young man looked so refined with the caramel trench coat that wrapped around him.

There was apparently a notebook on his lap and his hands seemed to be moving in varied strokes and different angles. Curious, the Marine tilted his head as curiosity and familiarity encouraged a slow approach. As it may, Squall found that his heart was fluttering, something told him to bring up the picture and compare.

 _I think that’s really him._ A double take and then another and Squall thought about calling out to him.

But before he could the blond man stopped sketching and his shoulders heaved as he had taken a very deep breath; the kind one would do when longing for something. He  looked sad as he staring at his lap. 

And Squall immediately felt the desire to ease the ache in that face. All the signs were there.There was no doubt left in him that this was the person he was looking for.

However, before Squall got a chance to properly react to anything, Cloud stood up abruptly and walked off, throwing both the notebook and a little box he took out of his pocket into a nearby trash can as he went. Instinct pulled at Squall’s chest strongly dragging his voice out of his throat with great urge.

“Cloud?!” following his intuition Squall ran after him, stopping by the trash can to take out what Cloud had thrown away and stuffed it inside his bag just so they wouldn’t fall out of his hands when he ran.

“Cloud!” he called again pushing through some people, throwing apologies over his shoulders. But Cloud didn’t seem to be listening as he just kept speed walking without looking back.

Luckily for Squall that allowed for him to catch up to the blond and he placed his free hand on one of Cloud’s shoulders. He felt Cloud’s body jerk into a stop under his touch, and the next thing Squall knew was that his hand had come up defensively to stop a punch aimed at his face.

Seemingly, the sudden adrenaline rush had Cloud panting as his eyes were wide open in surprise, but his fist felt firm in Squall’s grasp. Squall was very impressed but his eyes had widened for a whole different reason: The reaffirmation that this was indeed Cloud, the beautiful man he could only stare at from a colorless picture, was really, and finally, in front of him in the flesh.

Cloud’s eyes softened just a little, they searched without missing a beat and his stiff arm began to become limp enough to fall slowly. Squall let his own arm fall along with Cloud’s, he knew that he was supposed to say something yet it proved difficult to talk when when those eyes were so mesmerizing; so brilliant they could rival the brightest of lights. Never did Squall thought he'd see someone with such a gorgeous, rare mixture of blue and green.

 _They look like marbles …_ To be able to speak Squall had to clear his throat and swallow, “My apologies. Didn’t mean to scare you.”  

Yet Cloud didn’t speak as his brows furrowed, looking like he was deeply debating something in his head while looking at Squall. The Marine cleared his throat again feeling rather childish for feeling so squirmy under the scrutiny. All the things he could say, and wanted to say, flashed in Squall’s head too quickly for him to keep up with.

So, as he struggled to choose his words Squall handed the young man the picture he took out from his top pocket. Cloud hesitated to take it but when he did he contemplated the offered item with a soft frown.

"Squall?" the young man inquired with a small quiver in his tone as he rose his head  in shock.

Squall’s heart was beating so fast with excitement he felt a little out of breath, yet he hoped that he was causing the same effect on Cloud.

To greet the young man he politely tipped his cap, "Cloud."

Eyes wide, Cloud blinked several times and he brought up a hand to his mouth, "Is that really you?"

Hearing Cloud speak for the first time was like a dream come true for Squall and he immediately fell in love with his voice. From what Squall could hear so far, Cloud’s words had a soft melodious drawl, an accent enriched by a baritone that was as soothing as a sunny afternoon breeze.

“Yes. It’s me. I’m finally here,” even when Squall confirmed his identity Cloud looked incredulous. This prompted Squall to take off his dress cap and pressed it against his chest so that Cloud could have a better look at him. He was patient as  Cloud's gaze  studied him, after  all, unlike him who had a picture to go  by, all Cloud had was a description Squall gave him in a letter.

That didn't mean the Marine wasn't very nervous though.

Cloud's marbles looked right into him and Squall cared to wonder what Cloud thought of his own eyes. From there Cloud moved to Squall's uniformed body and up to his well kept, short brown hair. Lastly, Cloud looked at Squall in the face but seemed to linger on one spot. And by the very subtle furrow of Cloud's eyebrows Squall knew what Cloud was looking at. It made him feel like he was going to squirm again but he kept his ground.

"Gosh Squall, ‘tis you … I can’t believe it, you’re really ‘ere!" Cloud’s words were mostly muffled by his own hand, yet breathy and strained by emotion. But then Cloud’s expression transformed into utter embarrassment with red cheeks and everything, “Damn, I'm so, so sorry! It wasn’t my intention to---Oh gosh, I didn’t mean to try and punch you! I have so many things in my mind and---and there’s so many things happenin’ right now I---I---I just---”

In the middle of his stuttering Squall tried to interrupt Cloud to tell him that he didn’t need to apologize, but Cloud was rambling evidently still nervous. However, not that Squall wanted to be rude but his own emotion was boiling to the point he simply couldn’t contain it. He grabbed one of Cloud’s arms tightly but not with the intent to hurt, and with a strong pull he brought Cloud into his arms promptly cutting off the shaky words.

God, did Squall wanted nothing more than to hold this person forever and cover him in kisses from head to toe; one for each day they have spent apart since that very first letter they exchanged. Squall felt he could shed a tear from sheer joy alone, and though  they  didn't fall they did  gather behind closed eyelids. And when he felt Cloud’s arms slithering around his torso Squall pressed him closer and snuggled a bit into the side of Cloud’s head. Squall didn’t think he could be this happy, his heart was about to burst and he really had to shut his eyes tight to stop any tears from spilling. Cloud’s scent caressed Squall’s nose with a soothing touch, reminding him of smells he could barely recall through the memories of smoke and ash.

 _He smells so fresh. Of peppermint and … pine … or is that cinnamon?_ Squall  was so tempted to nuzzle silky golden strands or smell the tender skin of Cloud’s neck. But of course he refrained, albeit with difficulty.

“Oh Squall …” Cloud whispered into his shoulder but Squall could hear a quiver in his voice as well as feel Cloud’s fingers digging into his back.

“I’ve waited so long for this …,” Squall sighed hoping to breathe out some of the overwhelming joy, it caused him to tighten his hold pulling Cloud closer than he ever dreamed. “Words can’t describe just how good it is to finally see you, and to finally hold you like this ...”

Cloud tightened his embrace too and sniffled, he too was trying to hold back his emotion yet some of it did manage to fall down his cheek. He nodded with his forehead pressed against the Marine’s shoulder and his hands trembled, “It’s so surreal. For a moment I thought you weren’t coming …”

It was a bit hurtful to hear those words come from Cloud’s lips, his chest felt a bit heavy and he gently pushed Cloud away by the shoulders to look into his reddened face. “But Cloud, we made a promise. _**I**_ made you a promise.”

Cloud ducked and shook his head once, frowning with his eyes closed in shame and clinging to Squall’s sides, “I know, I know … I feel stupid for doubting you. I’m sorry.”

Any form of subtlety was forgotten because Squall didn’t like how guilt looked on that lovely face. He brought up a hand to dry the wet trail on Cloud’s cheekbone with his gloved thumb. This caused Cloud to rise his head, alarm etched in every crinkle of his expression.

“I apologize. I really couldn’t help myself.” Squall realized what he did and though he shared Cloud’s alarm he offered a small smile to reassure him.

But their tender moment was cut short when Squall caught the glimpse of two people a few steps away from them that seemed to be looking at them. It was two security guards that seemed to be whispering amongst each other, giving them funny looks. Squall wasn’t sure if they had seen everything or what were they thinking or if they planned to say or do anything to them. But Squall wasn’t going to stick around and find out. Reprimanding himself for not exercising self control he scowled and tensed up, ready to act if they tried anything funny.

“Squall?” Cloud inquired looking up at him worriedly.

“I’m sorry. We’ll have to go somewhere a little more private.” he murmured with a bit of spite that was directed at the judging eyes as he looked down at Cloud with a softer frown.

Luckily Cloud was quick to understand the implication and nodded, following Squall’s lead to walk off as discreetly as possible.

Nonetheless, even that unsettling moment wasn’t enough to deter the young pair from walking close to each other and though they tried to be more mindful, they didn’t stop themselves from letting their arms brush together with their stride. For years they’ve only been able to express their feelings through pen and paper, now that they were finally face to face it was like torture to not be able to not even hold hands in public.

* * *

 

The two young men took their time walking through town stretching every last bit of whatever daylight was left, though soon they would forget about the passage of time focused solely on each other. White little droplets descended upon them much to Squall’s delight. Cloud might have thrown a snowball or two once they got pass the initial awkwardness. They had been a little overwhelmed with the excitement because, after all the time they’ve spent talking through letters, being able to actually hear each other was strange but thrilling.

Cloud took Squall through a park that was almost completely empty, both trying very hard not to hold hands or share a kiss. More than once did Cloud stare at Squall, swooning at how elegant and stunning Squall looked in uniform. Squall was a bit taller then he imagined, half a head above him. The build on his upper body was broad but not overly bulky, it was just right and Cloud had the urge to lay his head on those pecs. But what Cloud was loving the most was the way those keen eyes softened and pinched whenever he smiled.

“You know, I can’t believe you still have that picture of mine.” Cloud patted Squall's left pectoral, continuing a conversation they were having about their letters.

“Of course I do. It kept me  going, helped me conserve that will to fight another day just to see you someday.” Squall smiled as his heart poured out for a moment. But when his brain caught up with his mouth it pointed out just how sapy that sounded, “I mean, you really helped me get through a lot of things. This picture made you feel close, somehow.” But that sounded just as sapy and Squall looked away trying to be discrete by scratching his scar.

All Cloud did was let out a small laugh feeling touched, “I’m glad that I could help you. A lot of times I wondered if there was more I could do.”

“Oh no, on the contrary. This picture and your letters mean so much more to me than you think. I even have your letters.”

Cloud’s head turned quickly towards the Marine, “Wait, you still have ‘em?”

Squall nodded with a smile.

Cloud gaped a little, “ _All_ of ‘em?”

“Some of them at least. I lost quite a few along the way. I know it's silly but, you know, kept me a little sane.”

Cloud hadn’t realized how much he had downplayed the importance of his letters. After a little bit of staring Cloud suddenly bit back his lower lip and rubbed one of his cheeks followed by his neck while looking away from the soldier.

“Cloud?” Squall begun to think that maybe that had been a little too much and regretted it.

But then Cloud admitted something Squall wasn't expecting, “I have ‘em … all of your letters, I mean.”

“You … Do?”

Cloud nodded stuffing his hands in his coat pockets, hiding his mouth behind the scarf, “They’re hidden inside a locked box … under my bed ...”

That was just too sweet. Squall thought he couldn’t take it and he had to bite back the desire to smile and laugh. It was amazing to him how easily Cloud could make him smile. But a jab to his ribs from the blond turned that smug look into a small grimace and made a mental note to not tease Cloud. The blond was lean, but not scrawny looking and for a lean build he sure had strength.

“Gee, you sure pack a punch. Do you work out?” still amused, Squall asked as he rubbed his ribs.

Cloud shrugged offhandedly but still sounded a bit flattered, “Maybe. But it’s more like uncle Cid taught me how to fight. I wanted to enlist too, but I was still underage at the time.”

“Ah, right. Forgot you mentioned that once." Squall paused for a moment and his next words were laced with some concern he didn't notice he let out, "Are you still planning to enlist though? You're old enough now.”

Cloud let out a thoughtful hum whilst crossing his arms over his chest, “Ye', but I’m not so sure anymore. I’ve taken an interest in mechanics and engineering. Almost everybody I know says I'd be very good at it so, I might go do that instead.”

“Hm.” Squall’s face turned a bit more serious as he nodded softly and mumbled to himself, “Best thing you can do ...”

“Pardon?”

The soldier shook his head, “Sorry. Just thinking out loud.”

Cloud knew better though, he could see it in Squall's eyes, this topic was most probably making Squall think about and remember things he’d rather not, “Hey, um. You must be hungry, ye’?”

The sudden change of subject was welcomed and Squall nodded, “Is there any places that are open though? It’s Christmas Eve.”

“Pft, I know of _one_ place that would open even if it’s stormin'.” Cloud pulled a long bronze gold chain from under his garments which Squall eyed with interest. At the end of it was a stopwatch that Cloud clicked open, “They won’t be open for long though, so we should hurry if we want to get somethin’ to eat.”

“After you then, sir.” that charm was returning to Squall and Cloud was grateful for it.

It was rare but there had been times where Cloud had to guess what was wrong and comfort Squall in their letters, and every time it hurt Cloud to think of the man’s pain. He didn’t want to actually _see_ the pain in Squall’s face. Especially not today on their first date.

The restaurant Cloud lead them too was owned by his friend’s father. When they got there the place was just about getting ready to close, but luckily Cloud’s friend Tifa was there to provide them with service. Cloud might have to beg a little though which was quite amusing for Squall to see, it was so evident that Tifa was messing with him. They did promise the young woman that they wouldn’t stay, Squall and Cloud agreed to take their food so Tifa and her Father could close early.

After buying the food and saying their goodbyes they headed to the same park they had just walked through, and they sat on a bench by a frozen pond. Night was beginning to fall and so was the temperature, peace washed over them as they watched the reflections of the lights on the ice. Snow was still falling and the first twinkles in the sky began to pop up. Cloud considered that this was far more romantic than having a formal diner in any fancy restaurant.

Even after they ate they stayed to watch the stars and their chat became more idle, Squall was daring enough to place a kiss on Cloud’s cheek. It was the first kiss Cloud has received from him and he felt so hot he swore that any snowflake that landed on him would instantly melt. Squall chuckled as he saw Cloud idly touching the kissed spot looking a little dumbfounded. But in an instant Cloud returned the kiss to Squall’s cheek, though his was less graceful due to the fact that he was still red on the face, but it was nice nonetheless.

It wasn’t until Cloud shivered and grumbled about not bringing his gloves that they thought it was time to leave. But before they did, Squall yet again took advantage of their solitude. He had taken his gloves off before they ate but his hands were still warmer than Cloud’s, he clasped the shorter male’s hands between his to both blow and rub warmth into them. Cloud’s hand were really shivering and it pulled at Squall’s heartstrings. Squall wanted to gather him in his arms and chase the chill away but he settled with asking Cloud to accompany him to the hotel where he would be staying in. Coming from foster care and having been drafted at the age of eighteen there was nowhere else Squall could go. For the moment anyways.

The hotel wasn’t anything overly fancy, but it was elegant and cosy and very welcoming. And the qualities reflected on Squall’s room which was located on the upper floors.

“It’s nice.” Cloud commented once they walked in and he took off his flat cap allowing for his unruly spikes to spring up. Then, shortly after he walked towards a small sofa to let go of Squall’s bag which he had offered to carry for him. Though he had to really insist to take the bag from Squall’s shoulder.

“Yes it is. But hopefully I won’t have to stay here long. I want to find my own place as soon as possible.” Squall replied as he went over to the dresser to put his dress cap and gloves on top.

“But aren’t you supposed to receive some sort help to get you settled back home again?”

Squall went a little silent with his back turned to Cloud. Shadows of images crawling along the edges of his mind, distant echoes resonated with the loud drumming at his core. He shook his head softly, breathing in to calm down and alleviate the pit in his stomach.

 _I can’t depend on others. I don’t want to depend on others … Someone like me …_ He didn’t finish the thought and instead tried to look normal as he turned towards Cloud.

“Yes. But I would like to get my things on my own, you know?” Squall was glad that Cloud was a little preoccupied with testing the bounciness of the mattress by sitting on it. Squall’s unease smoothed enough for him to smile fondly at the blond while also adoring how the spiky hair bounced with the movement.

“Ah, I understand. I hope you can get it solved soon though.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll manage.” wanting to chase the chill of the room and his body Squall walked towards the fireplace to start a small fire.

In the meantime, Cloud took it upon himself to further test the mattress by patting it then letting himself fall backwards with both arms above his head all sprawled out.

“Ah, this feels good.” he drawled and hummed contentedly.

Squall let out a sound of amusement when he heard him, he started the fire and stood up dusting off his hands. He chuckled with affection tight in his chest as he now stood beside Cloud, “Comfortable?”

Cloud nodded whilst bringing down his arms to put them on top of his stomach.

“Wanna join me?” Squall nodded towards the balcony.

Cloud jumped off the bed instantly and followed Squall to the balcony, rubbing his upper arms as soon as he stepped out.

"It feels so surreal to be back." Squall commented softly, his voice carrying a tone of peaceful joy as he stared at the falling snow.

"I'm sure." Cloud agreed equally as gentle looking up at the twinkling stars above when he stood beside Squall.

Both men leaned over the banister but Cloud scooted closer to press his arm against Squall’s, feeling much more confident now that they were away from prying eyes. Relaxed, he leaned his head on Squall’s shoulder.

From the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of Squall's hand that was so close to his own. Feeling secure in their solitary little bubble, Cloud dared to tenderly grab it with a timid smile, "It’s ironic."

“What is?”

“The fact that it was on Christmas when we first started talking,” Cloud gave a small squeeze to Squall’s hand, “It’s Christmas again now and we finally get to see each other.”

Squall's attention to the snow was deviated to the younger man beside him, then to Cloud's hand on his. Swelled with love, he smiled warmly, "Yeah. It was a gift then and it’s a gift now."

Cloud's giggle was soft, his breath misting in the air as he ducked his a head a little bit and pulled the scarf over his mouth a little bit; a mannerism Squall was beginning to associate with an endearingly embarrassed Cloud. It made Squall's heart leap and he encased the soft hand that was on his. A soft caress from Squall's thumb made them both lock gazes for a few seconds.

Even now they both thought that they were stuck in a pleasant dream they didn’t want to wake up from. Their hearts beating in harmony to the rhythm of a wish fulfilled; the wish of spending every second beside each other.  

"Do you remember the first letter you wrote to me?" Squall suddenly asked recalling the longing he’s felt wanting to have Cloud by his side.

Cloud furrowed his brows as he searched through the memories, not really being able to concentrate properly because of the captivating gentleman that so tenaciously stole his heart with just his writing.

"I ... don't recall … I think I sent some gifts, didn’t I?”

Squall laughed a bit as he did remember that first letter, it was a memory he was very attached to, “You sent some chocolates and other holiday snacks. They were very good.”

“The snacks were big sis’ idea.” Cloud mumbled into the red fabric around his neck.

“There’s no need to be ashamed. Your kind gesture was very … _cute._ ”

Cloud gave him a sideways frown but for some reason Squall had this feeling that those lips were pushed forward and that only reaffirmed his position. He only hoped he didn't get another jab to his ribs. Yet, Squall smirked then turned away from Cloud while pinching the bridge of his nose. When he next spoke he tried to make his voice sound a little less deep and stuttered on purpose.

_“Hi. My name is Cloud Strife and, well I was assigned as your pen-pal so,  I'm writing you this letter to  um, you know, thank you very much for all that you are doing. I admire you, I really do. I know it’s hard out there, but here's something to lift your spirit, I hope. You deserve this and so much more for your courage. God bless, Merry Christmas and  please be safe. Sorry if  it's not much, I don't usually write letters.”_

Squall let go of his nose and turned to look at Cloud again, smiling when he saw Cloud had the reaction he wanted. "I'm pretty sure that's how it went."

"Aw, come on _,_ I  _do not_ sound like _that!_ And I did _not_ stutter! You can’t stutter in a letter, Squall." Cloud grumbled blushing red and covering his face with a hand.

The coy smirk curled the corners of Squall’s lip and he shrugged nonchalantly, "Mmm, no. But that’s pretty much the ‘feel’ it gave. So, if it _had_ been face to face, that's pretty much how I envisioned you talking.”

In reality, Cloud was sure he would have stuttered too as he’s always been nervous when it came to meeting new people. But he wasn't about to admit that out loud, and _certainly_ _not_ in front of _Squall_ , so he just pulled his lips to the side nudging Squall's arm as a response. Squall laughed at Cloud’s unamused face.

"I don't recall if I've told you before but, to be honest I didn't think you would reply to me. I wasn't even sure about the whole pen pal thing ..."

"Well, to be fair if I was in your shoes,  I'm sure that I would have had no idea what to write either. Besides how could I not reply to such an endearing letter?"

“More like embarrassin' …” Cloud groaned into his hands to avoid the joviality of Squall’s nudge on his arm.

The motion caused Cloud’s hands to drop from his face and dangle over the railing and he stopped avoiding Squall’s calm contentment. For someone that has seen and been through so much the serenity of the night was reflected in eyes that would put the finest metal to shame. The mark of his trials denting his lionhearted soul but never breaking it. The more Cloud stared at it, the more he fell captive to the pull, bewitched by lips he coveted but that was hesitant to claim.

A romance like theirs was forbidden, frowned upon for it’s abnormality and condemned. Doubt was the worst enemy for a love that wanted to flourish and the chime of a bell reminded Cloud of that fact. The pull still hanging between them like the force of magnets brought close to the other.

Squall was disappointed when Cloud hung his head most likely trying to subdue the yearning that was palpable enough to submerge them. Squall shot a quick side glance into the room, scowling at the ticking object that had dared to interrupt a perfect moment, a moment that has been waited upon, dreamed about and used as the reason to wake up and keep fighting for another day. Resignation wasn’t an option for this soldier.

Cloud however was torn between unease and the desires he shared with Squall, "I hadn’t realized just how late it's gotten … " he  began to walk into the room looking at the clock that taunted with each tick.

Squall bit back his lip pushing from the balcony to follow after Cloud and grabbed one of his arms with tenderness while his lips murmured mellow words,  "Must you really go?"

A deep breath left Cloud’s chest whilst he turned softly, "Uncle Cid could suspect somethin'. I shouldn’t stay Squall."

“But you want to.” Squall didn’t like sounding so desperate and regretted that he spoke for Cloud.

Cloud didn’t deny anything though, his knees going weak under the scrutiny of smoky eyes and Squall’s unique presence chipping away at the uncertainty. Cloud had to swallow the lump in his throat.

Like a feral beast closing in on prey Squall wondered if he could exploit this weakness he sensed. He wondered how could he talk Cloud into staying and blurted out the first thing he could think of.

"It's very cold out there and surely it could get worse. Here, it’s nice and warm.” Squall tried using a soft drawl in some of his words, almost like he was purring.

Cloud smiled helplessly letting out a small laugh, “You tryin' to be slick now?”

“Hey, not that I don’t mind the bonus of having your company, but I’m genuinely worried about your well-being. I’d really hate to see you get sick. If you stay you can sleep on the comfy bed and leave first thing in the morning if you want.” although there was genuine concern in Squall's voice, his face  looked like he was going to beg like a puppy.

“What about you though? There’s only one bed.”

"We could share it, I have no problem if you don't.” Squall was quite impressed with his own boldness and while he didn't want to force Cloud he felt this resolve not to give up so easily.

“But  Squall, you had a long  trip, you must be tired and you need to rest. I don't want to bother you.”

Squall lifted Cloud's chin with a finger to look into Cloud's eyes almost pleadingly, “I’d do anything to keep you for a little longer …”

Again Cloud felt that pull as he melted under the captivating gaze. So strong was their effect that Cloud literally felt his knees wobble and he had to bite back his lips. Blue eyes darted between Squall and the snow falling outside. He could either go out that door to face the dropping temperature alone, or he could stay here. By the warm fire. The promise of a cosy bed. And, most importantly, in Squall’s pleasurable company.

The option, one would think, was obvious. But as much Cloud wanted to ignore it their relationship was not deemed as something normal. They were both _men_ , Cloud didn’t want to risk his uncle knowing of this. The idea of rejection weighted heavily in his chest and furthermore, if gossip were to somehow get around it could cause Squall serious repercussions.

“Squall I---” running a hand through his golden locks sighing as he really didn’t know what to say, he felt like he had no excuse yet he didn’t know why was he so uncertain.

Squall on the other hand really wanted for Cloud to stay, the long time they’ve had to wait to finally be able to touch each other, see each other, and now their time together had just whisked away like one’s breath in the cold.

“Sorry Cloud, it’s just that we've  spent years talking about this moment and we finally got it but time passed by too fast.  Now that I can finally hold you I’m not sure I want to let you go. And I’m  sorry if I sound selfish but I could be sent away at any given moment again and I can't guarantee a next time. I want to spend whatever time I can, as much as I can, with you.”

The urgency and the reality in Squall's words made Cloud's decision for him.

“You  know … You're right. I  want the same thing. I'm sorry, I think I'm still a little nervous and I sometimes have problems managing my nerves.” but Cloud still sounded a bit uncertain clearly worried about something.

“What, you're afraid that people will know about us? Is that what worries you? We're up here alone, no one can see us.”

The younger man first licked then chewed on  his lips  before answering, “My  uncle is what worries me the most, he doesn't even know I'm here. But I wanna stay with you tonight. I'll just think of somethin' to tell him.”

“You sure? It's not like I want you to get into trouble either.”

Cloud nodded, “‘tis a’right. Unless you wanna try to test your charms to convince me further?,” he smirked and winked though he was shaking on the inside.

Squall tilted his head to one side with an interested look but with a spark in his eyes that told Cloud he would accept the challenge.The Marine walked towards the radio stood above the fireplace to turn it on. A jazzy tune slowly ascended as it poured out of the speakers. The classy saxophone setting the mood for a romantic atmosphere, soft and catchy to match the welcoming feel. Squall instantly recognized the song and smirked amused.

 _How fitting,_ the Marine raised the volume just a notch then softly turned on his heel going back to Cloud.

"I've always wondered what it would be like to dance with you. Will you grant me this dance?" Squall asked politely offering his hand for Cloud to take.

Cloud eyed him with interest, a little half smile on his face as he took the offered hand and allowed Squall to grab his hip with the other. Just as Squall began to lead the elegant voice of a woman opened the song, closely followed by the suave baritone of a male responding to her.

_I really can't stay (but baby, it's cold outside)  
I've got to go away (but baby, it's cold outside)_

_This evening has been (been hoping that you'd drop in)  
So very nice (I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice)_

The more attention Cloud paid attention to the lyrics the more the smile spread across his lips and feeling how his cheeks went warm as Squall, not once, took his eyes off him. In perfect sync with the lyrics Squall gave Cloud's hand a gentle squeeze, it became clear to him that Squall knew this song by heart and was making every move with full deliberation. Cloud rose an eyebrow at his date and Squall wiggled his eyebrows.

“Should I take this as ironic coincidence or that you somehow elaborately planned all of this?”

A deep hum came from Squall's throat as he shifted Cloud so that he could hug him from behind while still holding his hands. Then he susurrated into Cloud's ear, “You can take it however you want sweetheart. Won't change the fact that you're staying here tonight.”

Cloud felt the goosebumps scramble all the way up his back and he was lead into a half spin all impressed as Squall had managed to pull the scarf off his neck. Squall then threw the scarf backwards for it to land somewhere near the sofa. 

_My mother will start to worry (beautiful what's your hurry?)  
My father will be pacing the floor (listen to the fireplace roar)_

_So really I'd better scurry (beautiful please don't hurry)  
But maybe just a half a drink more (put some records on while I pour)_

_The neighbors might think (baby, it's bad out there)  
Say what's in this drink? (no cabs to be had out there)_

_I wish I knew how (your eyes are like starlight now)  
To break this spell (I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell)_

_I ought to say, no, no, no sir (mind if I move in closer?)  
At least I'm gonna say that I tried (what's the sense in hurting my pride?)_

_I really can't stay (oh baby don't hold out)  
But baby, it's cold outside_

On time with the beat Squall lead Cloud into a full spin then pulled him back with great precision. As their bodies pressed against the other Squall slowly ran his fingers through Cloud’s soft hair while slightly leading Cloud into a subtle dancer’s dip for the fraction of a second. Their noses almost touched and their eyes were hypnotized by the other's, the silken tune pleasantly taking over their bodies and telling them where to go.

“Am I convincing you enough?” Squall teased, yet his voice was smooth and deep.

Cloud, still entranced with Squall's eyes, chuckled lightly and said, "You're persistent, I'll give you that."

"Hm. I think I'd rather have you think of me as 'gallant'?," he shrugged with a timid smile that turned a little coy when he added, "or 'romantic', perhaps?"

Squall was right though, Cloud felt like he was swooning to Squall's antics. That didn't stop him from smirking as he teased, "How about 'pushy' and 'opportunistic'?”

Squall huffed and tried to sound offended, "Come now, why would you hurt my pride like that? Opportunistic?, perhaps. Pushy? I would never."

Cloud laughed lightly as he pressed his forehead against Squall's shoulder. Squall smiled delighted by the sound of Cloud's mirth. But then he worried that maybe he could be making Cloud feel a bit pushed and last thing he wanted was to scare Cloud away. When Cloud lifted his face from his shoulder Squall looked at him a bit uncertaintly and asked, " _Am_ I being pushy?"

A huff escaped Cloud's mouth and he very carefully palmed Squall's cheek, "I was jus' pullin' your leg."

"Oh good. In that case, is it okay for me to take this from you?" Squall asked while tugging Cloud's trench coat.

But Cloud smiled mischievously as he stepped away from Squall in rhythm, yet Squall was quick to hold on to his wrist to pull him back playfully. Cloud laughed as Squall nuzzled him whilst pushing the coat only off Cloud's shoulders seductively. The coat found its way to the sofa seconds later.

_I simply must go (but baby, it's cold outside)  
The answer is no (but baby, it's cold outside)_

_Your welcome has been(how lucky that you dropped in)  
So nice and warm (look out the window at the storm)_

_My sister will be suspicious (gosh your lips look delicious)  
My brother will be there at the door (waves upon the tropical shore)_

_My maiden aunt’s mind is vicious (gosh your lips are delicious)  
But maybe just a cigarette more (never such a blizzard before)_

Cloud saw it, the way Squall was staring at his lips and the way he would look into his eyes whenever Cloud caught him. But Cloud wasn’t left behind, he too contemplated Squall’s lips and even had a brain to imagine how would they feel against his skin.

"But I don't even smoke." Cloud made the offhand comment when he vaguely heard the song’s lyrics. It was an attempt to dispel the dizziness his own imagination was causing him.

"To be honest, me neither.” Squall responded absently following along, his eyes darted down to pink lips and he licked his own, “I only tried it once and once was enough."

They both laughed softly after Squall scrunched his nose and they danced more enthusiastically to the last part of the song.

_I've gotta get home(but baby, you'd freeze out there)  
Say lend me a coat(it's up to your knees out there)_

_You've really been grand (I thrill when you touch my hand)  
But don't you see? (how can you do this thing to me?)_

_There's bound to be talk tomorrow (think of my lifelong sorrow)  
At least there will be plenty implied (if you got pneumonia and died)_

_I really can't stay (get over that old out)_  
_Baby, it's cold_  
_Baby, it's cold outside._

The two singers sang the last two verses in union winding up to the final high note and ending the song smoothly and in a few final chirps of the piano. Both young men tripped in their momentum and they fell on the bed chuckling, Squall trying to break his  fall not to hurt Cloud under him. Cloud tied his arms around Squall's neck while Squall's hands found their way to the sides of Cloud's head. Mirth subsided and Squall rose on his forearms to look at Cloud.

“You dance pretty good Squall Leonhart.”

“So do you Cloud Strife.”

Cloud pushed chocolate bangs out of slaty eyes and tucked them behind Squall's ears. Yet again, Cloud saw Squall's pupils shift down to his lips and again Cloud felt that pull tugging between them. Cloud’s hands gently cupped Squall's head and the latter responded to the touch by lowering his face much closer to Cloud's. Their noses brushed subtly in those final inches before Squall claimed Cloud's lips.

Squall started with a soft nibble which Cloud returned but with the addition of a delicate tug. They didn't show any hesitation when involving their tongues. Slow, experimental, romantic. Hands moved through hair and breath mingled through shared short sighs in between. Not too long but not too short, it was everything a first kiss should have been and everything they ever imagined sharing.

“Since you're staying I have extra clothing I can lend you so you can sleep more comfortable. Might be a tad big though.”

“It's fine. Thank you.”

Squall nodded and got up bringing Cloud up with him. His clothing was neatly folded inside the duffel bag and he picked up the first set of a white t-shirt and sleeping pants and handed them to Cloud. While Cloud went into the bathroom Squall dug  for his own set of sleeping clothing  when he noticed something he _and_ Cloud had completely forgotten about.

A sketchbook and the little gift box.

 _Wow did it completely slipped my mind … and apparently Cloud's too,_ Squall didn’t like to pry but curiosity was poking at him.

He remembered that Cloud sometimes sent him drawings of various things. The youth had talent and creativity that Squall admired and adored. Carefully, he opened the sketchbook. Squall took his time to appreciate intricate designs of engines, and contemplate the detailed sketches of landscapes. These were the ones Squall enjoyed the most as these were the kind of drawings Cloud sent to him a couple of times. There was also sketches of people caught in motion or fully detailed portraits. The effort put into them made Squall want to pick up a pencil and try drawing something himself, but he was it would come out awful and he chortled at his own expanse. He flipped the page softly and the next portrait really caught his eye. It was the face of a very good looking man, staring up at the horizon to show off a strong yet refined jaw line. Elegant strokes cascaded down the man’s head up to his shoulders and his eyes seemed a little sharp, yet there was something about them that felt deep and thoughtful. Curious and awed Squall tilted his head and ran his fingers around the sketch, mindful of not making any smudges in the art.

“Where did you get that?”

The surprised voice drew Squall's attention towards the bathroom entrance where Cloud now stood, looking a bit small in Squall's shirt. An image Squall stored in the back of his head.

“Oh, um ... Back at the plaza, I saw you throwing it into the trash can so I picked up and put it in my bag. Seems like I forgot that I had it.” he walked towards Cloud to hand over the sketchbook, “I’m sorry if I was nosy, I wanted to see more of your beautiful art. Who is he?”

Cloud took the book from Squall’s hands and looked down to see just what page Squall was looking at. His skin turned a bit red and he looked away from Squall rolling his lips back.

“It’s supposed to be you.” Cloud mumbled still not looking at Squall on the face, “I tried to imagine how you looked like going with the brief description you gave me once. I started it time ago, but I worked on and off on it ...”

The sketch was pretty similar to Squall himself with occasional differences on some details, like the missing scar and the hair length. But the fear of not living up to Cloud’s expectations came back making Squall rub the old wound whilst looking at the floor in self-consciousness.

“Oh … Really? Why did you throw this away?”

They looked at each other as Cloud thought how to word his answer.

“Like I said before: I thought you weren't comin', I got nervous and frustrated and sometimes I don't think straight when it happens. I was tryin' to finish it as I waited for ya. I just really wanted to at least have an idea of how you looked like.”

“That’s … sweet.” Squall tucked Cloud’s bangs behind his ear, “I mean, it’s only fair. I was able to have  _your_ picture but I couldn’t send you one of myself.”

Cloud hummed calmly with a small smile while closing the sketchbook. But then something else occurred to him that caused him to frown a little with clear regret.

“Um, you … didn’t happen to find somethin'  _else_ with this, right?”

“Oh!” Squall snapped his fingers and made a quick dig through his bag to produce the tiny gift box. He extended his arm to hand it over, “You mean this?”

The knot in his chest loosened, relief painted Cloud's face and he nodded without taking the gift, “Ye’,” he cupped Squall’s hand in his own to softly push the gift back towards the Marine, “It’s … for you. And it’s a little past midnight so, I think you could open it.”

 Squall’s brows furrowed when he looked at the gift then back at Cloud, “You got me a gift?”

 Again, Cloud nodded with the soft smile Squall fell more in love with the more he saw it.

 “But I don’t have anything for you Cloud.”

 “You don’t have to. I already got what I wished for.”

Warm all over, full of love and swelled with joy Squall reflected on what just did he do to have this person in his life. With great fondness he unwrapped his gift to uncover a small leathery box whose lid was engraved with a brand. Cushioned inside the box was the head of a regal beast roaring to the wind, clad in silver atop an ornate cross to show off a flowy mane.

Putting the box down Squall took the fine piece from the it to see that it also came with a long chain of hoops linked to form a necklace, gleaming with pride under the light of the room. Every detail could be felt by just running a thumb over it.

“I remembered how you always talk about wanting to have strength and courage so, I had this made for you. Thought you could have a symbol you could use.” Cloud shrugged and ducked his head still unsure of his gift.

Squall’s response to that uncertainty was to slightly duck in and capture Cloud’s sweet lips once more. This kiss lasted a little longer than the first but it was a bit more chaste. It must have taken a while to have gathered enough money to buy this, Squall swore to himself that he would return the gesture just because he wanted to  give something equally as special to Cloud.

“I love it. Thank you very much.” Squall said after he was done kissing Cloud.

“No need. Want me to put it on for you?”

Squall saluted like a soldier, “I’d be honored, sir.”

The response elicited some of Cloud’s mirth as he took the lion head and undid the chain’s lock. Squall dipped his head so Cloud could link the necklace around his neck.

“Looks very good on you.” Cloud commented while patting the center of Squall’s chest where the lion head now rested.

“Thank you,” but Squall got caught by surprise when Cloud suddenly let out a yawn he tried to hide behind a hand as he responded.

"No need." 

Squall smirked, “Hm. Perhaps we should go to sleep.”

Cloud dried a tear the yawn caused as he answered, “Yea … uncle's been workin' me to the bone thess last few days.”

“Alright. I’ll go change” The Marine caressed Cloud’s cheek with the back of his fingers and walked to the bathroom.

 Soon after, they put out the fire, turned off the lights and under the covers they went. They snuggled seeking extra warmth and they shared a smile.

 “This is the best Christmas I've ever had.” Squall said already on the edge if sleep.

 Cloud's smile broadened and he pressed a good night kiss against Squall's lips.

 “Merry Christmas Squall, and welcome home.”

 Squall pressed Cloud closer to him, tucking the spiky head under his chin and they closed their eyes, ready to give into sleep, “Merry Christmas Cloud. And it's good to be back.”

  _And now even more so since I have you ..._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Art for the fic: https://virdisdrachen.tumblr.com/post/168889869448/heres-my-contribution-to-day-one-of-strifehart
> 
> https://virdisdrachen.tumblr.com/post/169231877603/just-random-sketches-from-the-fic-i-recently-made  
> \-----  
> I've actually been wanting to 'Strifehart' this song for quite a while. I gotta thank Chocobobutt for the marvelous idea of how to do so and for helping me build this au.  
> And also thanks to Thequalityrunaway for the help as well!
> 
> There's a high chance I'll write more for this au as I've been given many ideas for it, but in the menatime, enjoy it for what it is ;)
> 
> And just in case anyone's curious, there's various versions to the song but the one I used for inspiration was the version from Idina Menzel and Michael Blubé. Also, please check out all the other works under #strifehartwinterweek2k17 over at tumblr!
> 
> Alright, enough babbling. Hope you all have a wonderful Holiday and enjoy~~


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